


Empress Palpatine

by myrskytuuli



Category: Rise of Skywalker - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, absolutely do not take any of this seriously at all, started writing a crack fic, then returns back to crack, turned into fix it in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrskytuuli/pseuds/myrskytuuli
Summary: “Tell me, Empress Palpatine. What is it like having the power of thousand generations of sith-lords inside you?”“Honestly, it’s a real clownshow.”
Relationships: none but especially not reylo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 78





	Empress Palpatine

“Kill me, and I will become a part of you! Thousand generations of Sith will live through you, when you reign as Empress Palpatine!”

Rey looked at the sky above him, alight with fire that was obliterating what was left of the resistance. Where her friends were dying for the slim hope of a galaxy freed from Palpatine’s ghost and Kylo Ren’s rule. The choir of robed sith-lackeys continued chanting, their religious fervour reaching ecstatic pitch, as they eagerly awaited the dark ritual that would bring them their new master. A young, strong master that would crush the galaxy under her heel.

The fleet of destroyers, all carrying a death-sentence of a world with them, continued rising. Like an unstoppable force of nature, Unavoidable as the entropy itself.

Can it really get any worse? Rey thought, right before plunging her lightsabre into Palpatine’s rotting chest.

Power surged into her, a dark power, a power of thousand sith generations coming to live in her, a power that galaxy had never seen before. Rey’s eyes flashed pure sith-gold, as she reached out into the force, disabling the fleet above her, as lighting poured from her fingers, leaving the entire armada easy pickings for the resistance.

 _Oh shit. Oh fuck_. She kept repeating in her mind, as the power of the dark side slammed into her like five tons of cocaine.

 _Yeah. It does that._ Whispered a voice of Anakin Skywalker as the world around her clarified and sharpened. 

She floated through the universe, a monstrous shadow, an anathema in the great order of things, beautiful and terrible as the void itself. She was death the destroyer of worlds as she choked the commanders on their star destroyers, things like distance and quantity meaning nothing as she let the power of thousand generations of siths flow through her.

“You think that’s supposed to happen?” Finn asked Jannah, as they both stared at Rey, floating for some reason upside down in the air, whole body crackling with lightning.

“I don’t know. The jedi are weird, man.”

Rey didn’t as much wake up, as came back (literally crashing down) from the amazing psychedelic journey that her consciousness had gone into as a consequence of the dark-side overdose. She came back feeling extremely alert, energized, and full of Very Good Ideas.

Kylo Ren was cradling her in his lap, gently weeping over her prone form.

“What the fuck!” Were her first coherent words, as she shot up and bonked her forehead against Ren’s.

“Rey! You are alive! I thought- I thought that you had exhausted your life-energy and needed to be revived. And I could have done that andthenmaybewecouldhavekissedorsomething.” Kylo Ren rushed to say, rubbing his forehead.

Rey’s brilliant golden eyes stared at him, pupils blown wide and her body standing weirdly intently, like she didn’t quite remember how limbs were supposed to work.

“Everytime we have been in a same room together, we have tried to kill each other. You don’t think it would be a bit weird.” Rey started walking back and forth the throne room, fidgeting her hands. She had a lot of energy thrumming in her body and no outlet for it.

_Not weird at all. Me and Bastilla used to turn between sides all the time just so we could smooch._

_You got your memory wiped like a pussy_

_The girl needs to seduce him back to the dark side_

_The girl needs to kill him as a threat to her power_

_Smooch away, we are the sith, we have to keep our image as the sexy ones!_

_No smooching, she has to focus on her career as the empress of everything!_

“No, it would definitely be weird!” Rey said out loud.

“Who are you talking to?”

“None of your business. Why are you here? I won’t become your empress-wife, you have to realise that at this point. Also, is this how dark side is always supposed to feel? I think I can see colours of the force.”

“Look! Originally, I was searching for Palpatine so I could kill him and make sure that there were no threats to my absolute rule over the galaxy, but then I hallucinated my father after you stabbed me and decided to return to light again! You could at least give me a change.”

Rey looked into the large soulful eyes of Kylo Ren- no, Ben Solo, eyes glittering with pain, pain that he had repressed and hidden for years. He looked no more than a young, lost, boy, without his helmet and cape. A boy who had made unfortunate decisions in life and had his soul torn apart by those decisions. She thought about the what the right thing to do would be and-

The heavy metal door of the prison hissed gently closed, shutting out the enraged yells of Kylo Ren behind it.

“You did the right choice, Empress Palpatine.” The Dr. Golightly muttered nervously. No one yet knew how to act around their newly appointed Supreme Empress, who had announced her ascension to the throne in a rambling, and frankly at some points incomprehensible speech broadcasted across the galaxy, proclaiming peace, tolerance and good-will to all people, ending the broadcast by singing Kumbaya my force, leaving the galaxy to say an unified “What?”

But a broadcast was a different thing than having the woman with God-like dark-side force powers standing in front of you. Especially considering that she came equipped with her own background choir of sith-hymn chanters in identical black robes. Dr. Golightly had tried to sneakily peek underneath one hood but had seen not even glimpse of anything resembling a face. 

“What other choice did I have? He’s clearly delusional. He has subjugated countless worlds under his brutal rule as the Supreme Leader, killed anyone who opposes him, killed innocents who simply were on his way, and then walks up to me claiming that he is good again after hallucinating the father he himself killed giving him a pep talk.”

_Why haven’t you done any of those things. You are ruining the good name of the Sith-lords everywhere. Rey! Rey! Listen to me. We need to grind the unworthy under our heel!_

_Shut up Grievous!_

_Let the girl be. She is clearly working the long game. Imprisoning her enemies. Gaining the public’s trust. Good. Good. Well done my Granddaughter._

_Shut up everyone!_

“All I want is that he isn’t harmed in any way. I’m not sure how accountable for his actions he is at the moment.”

“You have my word, Empress. We have the galaxy’s top-field therapists and psychologists working for our team. We will make sure that the rest of his days in this top-security prison will be spent trying to work through his problems with impulse-control, narcissism, and lack of emphathy.”

“Thank you. I will try to relocate as much former First-Order military funds into wide-scale psychological research and grass-root social work as possible.”

“We will be grateful, Empress.” Dr. Golightly looked at the Empress' shaking hands and decided that it was not anyone’s business, except the Empress’ herself, what substances she seemed to be abusing.

“Call me just Rey. I’m trying to de-politicise myself as fast as possible.”

_Wait what. No. NOO. How dare you. You are betraying everything the Sith stand for. My own Granddaugh-_

“Shut up Palpatine!”

“I’m sorry what.”

“Not you, I was talking to the voices in my head.”

“The what now!?”

“Aaaa….haha.” The Great Empress Palpatine fidgeted and tried to look sane and safe. The dark side was still singing in her veins as powerful as ever, making it impossible for her to keep still. It was hard to concentrate on having only one conversation at the time, when her mind was alive with thousand ideas for the betterment of the galaxy, an awesome screenplay, and a start-up scrap-metal company. She was absolutely vibrating with the energy of it all. “I’ll talk with you later! Places to be, things to do!”

_You kind of suck at being a sith, you know that?_

“Thank you, Rey” The force-ghost of Leia said, watching serenely as Rey was trying to burn through her dark-side high by doing thousand push-ups. “He is still my son. After everything.”

Rey paused and rolled to lay on the floor on her back, looking up at her blue-tinted mentor. Her golden eyes were nothing more than a thin ring around her enlarged pupils. “Do you think it would have been better if Ben had saved my life and then we would have kissed, and he would have exhausted all his life-energy and joined the force?”

“No Rey. That would have been weird.”

Rey woke up on the floor of a gym, feeling really bad. Catastrophically bad. Worse than death. Standing in formation against the gym’s walls, were a gathering of robed Sith-hymn singers, chanting.

Why did you follow me here? Rey asked, and grinced at how weak and scratchy her own voice sounded. The choir did not answer, but silently filed out of the room.

What the fuck is going on. How did I end up here? Why do I feel like I should be dead?

_You did go 76 hours without sleep_

Oh Force, why?

_The dark side gives you powers beyond imagination, but there is always a price to pay._

Rey threw up, trying to remember what she had eaten during those 76 hours that was now coming up blue and slimy.

_Try to cheer up. You have a meeting with your new empire’s political command in an hour._

Oh Force WHY??

The voices of thousand generations of Sith lords were silent as Rey vomited again.

Rey had a terrible headache, all her muscles ached, she felt slow and uncoordinated, and for some reason she couldn’t smell anything.

The commanding officers that were still alive (hadn’t been present in the battle over Exegol) sat stiff and staring intently at Rey, as she walked into the room.

_Oh Force what am I supposed to do?_

_Crush them under your heel!_

_Subjugate them with your awesome power!_

_Kill half of them to establish your dominance over the meeting!_

_Eat their souls!_

_What- No! Gross!_

_Say that you are thankful for their fast support for the changing government, that you expect everyone to compromise in order to secure a smooth transition in power and that your first priority is opening a dialogue with the subjects of the galaxy that have raised concerns over the false reign of Kylo Ren in the past in order for us all to move forwards in building a galaxy that is built on the expectation of stability and peace._

_Wha- Who are you?_

_I am Count Dooku, and I held the entire Separatist government together during the clone wars, repeat what I tell you, and you will survive this meeting._

After the council had agreed upon opening a dialogue with the resistance leaders, (Poe was going to shit bricks!) Rey headed for a long, luxurious shower.

_We hunger!_

After the shower. We’ll grab food then.

_We want to devour the souls of the innocents!_

_Speak for yourself Nihilus. I’ve been bound inside a pyramid for a thousand years. I want to taste Corellian caviar once more._

_There was a great hole-in-a-wall cantina in Dantooine where they served the best roasted lizard! We should go there sometime._

_If you were a true believer in the dark side, you wouldn’t need gross sustenance._

We’re getting a bagel.

“Oh Hey! Poe! Finn! Great that you guys are here! I was just about to message you.”

“Rey! Please tell me it isn’t true. I don’t want to, but I will use this if I have to.” Poe was brandishing his blaster towards Rey, while Finn had his firmly in hand, but pointed towards the floor.

“What?”

“Or should I call you Empress Palpatine now? Hm? They say that you have named yourself the new Supreme Leader.”

“Ah. That. Listen, guys. I know this looks bad, but I promise that this is just temporary. I have no idea what I’m doing, I was super high on dark side for about three days that I now only remember in fragments, and apparently disbanded the army, donated the entire future military budget for psychiatric research, expect as it turns out, I did it by transferring all those credits to Dr. Golightly’s personal account, so we are trying to fix that. Then I went around threatening First Order military officials up and personal, and for some reason also wrote a screenplay. I don’t know why I did that last thing.”

_You didn’t write it alone, we helped._

“Oh force, what _is_ in that screenplay?”

“Wowowow, Rey Slow down. Are you planning to rule the galaxy or not?”

“No. Of course not.”

Rey was immediately yanked into a hug by both Finn and Poe, the two men’s scents comforting and familiar. Rey could feel warmth slither into his heart, that had been absent ever since Palpatine and the other Sith had crawled their way in.

“Oh, thank the force. I thought we had lost you Rey.”

“Don’t leave me alone.” She whispered into their embrace “Don’t let me drown in all this. Please.”

_Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?_

_The tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise was that he had a little bitch of an apprentice who couldn’t even kill him like a man, but had to sneak behind his back in his sleep like the embarrassing coward he always was._

_Master! That is uncalled for._

_What was uncalled for was abandoning your loyal apprentice in a bottomless pit in Naboo! I survived being cut in half and you didn’t even come looking for me!!_

_You were weak Maul! It is the way of the Sith._

_See Bane. This is why the rule of two was always going to be a piece of Bantha-crap. You ruined an entirely good religion with your force-damn rule of two!_

Rey pushed the pillow harder over her ears.

_Oh man, Yoda is going to love the gossip I bring back this time._

_Why are you here, Anakin Skywalker? Didn’t you return to the light?_

_The drama._

“How are you feeling, Rey?” Asks Dr. Golightly. Rey tries to find a comfortable position on the plush armchair. It is nothing like the edges of crates that she had crouched on in resistance bases, and it is nothing like the intimidating and hard throne of the Supreme Leader, now Supreme Empress.

“Tired. Like I’m standing on an edge of a great abyss ready to swallow me. Afraid.”

“I see. And why do feel afraid. Somebody could say that others should fear you.”

“But that’s just it, isn’t it? They all fear me. The remnants of the first order military are united in their fear for me, the common populace sees me as another dictator and are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The resistance knows that I use the dark side of the force and are already planning structures for when they will need to resist again in order to strike me down. What if one day I forget that there is any other way to live, expect through other’s fear.”

“That is a valid concern, Rey. Your fears are not unfounded. Tell me, do Finn and Poe fear you too?”

Rey chewed on her lip.

_They should._

_They would, if you showed them your true power._

_They are your weakness_

_Shut up everyone! Rey needs to focus on her therapy!_

_You don’t command us Skywalker!_

_Quiet! Sight within yourself is the greatest strength a sith lord could ever have. You will not hinder Rey._

_Yes Darth Traya._

_Sorry Darth Traya._

“No, they don’t. They fear for me.”

“Then being feared is not all you know. Do you want them to fear you?”

“No, of course not!”

“Good. Now, I can see that you are afraid of your own power and the implications that it brings, and that is natural, but I want you to remember something. Power does not corrupt, it reveals. Power in itself has never turned anyone evil, or a tyrant, or a murderer. Power has taken away consequences of those actions. It has taken away people’s inhibitions, and it has given people the change to act on their impulses. But power has never in the history of the galaxy made anyone suddenly desire violence, if they had not desired it before being handed power. Do you understand me?”

“I- the jedi texts-“

“I don’t know what the jedi texts say. I am not a jedi. But I am a psychologist, and I know that the jedi religion had their way of looking at the world, just like we psychologist have ours. Now, I do not believe that you desire a leadership position as a goal itself. I also do not believe that you desire to control other people’s lives or inflict pain on anyone else. I do not believe that you are heading towards tyranny, but I do believe that this position is not good for you. During our sessions, you have constantly become more agitated, paranoid, and you are starting to suffer from severe compassion fatigue, while also trying to juggle your own PTSD. You are doing admirably, Rey, but it will not last for long.”

“I know.” Tears prickled in the corners of her eyes. She was simply so frustrated all the time. About how cruel ordinary people could be. How slow politics were. How the galaxy seemed to reject everything good and always lean towards the hate the First Order had capitalized on.

“Our goal is to remove you from your position as the Supreme Leader. Now, we will start working on a plan for you. I want you to think of five small, achievable things that you can do between this session and the next, that are concrete steps towards that goal.”

“I guess the Arts and Cultural Preservation Association could be made an independent organization without any government oversight. They’ve been practically doing their thing by themselves all these years already.”

“There we go. Now only four more to go.”

_You are a disgrace to the sith._

How am _I_ the disgrace out of this entire freakshow? I’m using my power in order to fulfil my personal desires. My personal desire just happens to be a galaxy that isn’t crushed under a military-government’s boot.

_A true sith would embrace her hate and crush her enemies with it._

I am. I hate the First Order and I am slowly destroying the entire organization.

_It is not the proper sith way._

Oh really! And what exactly _is_ the proper sith way?

The argument inside her head lasted the entire night, destroying any change for a good night’s sleep.

“Hey Rey!”

“Yes, Poe?”

“This newest speech of yours. Um, how do I put it, is pretty aggressively Republic critical.”

“Oh. Really? I mean, we should acknowledge the flaws that led us to this situation.”

“Sure. But I’m talking about the entire three paragraphs complaining about the Old Republic and then weirdly segueing into defending the Separatist movements from over three generations ago?”

“Haa…. History is important…?”

_Count Dooku what the hell!!?_

_What?! The critiques I make are entirely valid!_

The champagne in Canto Bight was exquisite, Rey would give them that, even if the company was vexing at best.

“Empress Palpatine!”

“Your Highness!”

“Supreme Leader!”

“About the new mining laws-!”

“You have to consider the impact this will have on the galaxy’s economy-!”

She didn’t like tapping into dark side too much, the negative effects well in memory, but in here she kept her eyes sharp and brilliant gold, while making sure that even non-force sensitives could sense the electric thrum of power when in her presence. Unfortunately, it had done little to persuade the billionaires of the galaxy from flocking to her in endless waves of tacky fashion.

_You just don’t appreciate a good dramatic cape enough_

_This is the first time you are dressing like a true sith would, and it is a disgrace that it has taken this long_

_I didn’t even have body, but I still had a cape_

_Oh! Look at you Nihilus. Getting more coherent, good for you._

Rey looked at her own reflection and frowned. Her handmaids had spent two hours labouring over her make-up, the black dress hugged her body tight and itched terribly, and the long cape trailed after her, like a long silken shadow. Personally, she thought that she just looked stupid.

_Your dismissal of the proper sith-aesthetic is troubling_

_When I was the emperor all my aides wore accordion-hats that matched the empire’s colour scheme._

_Palpatine, you spent your entire reign as the emperor wearing the same robe and nothing else._

_I found a look and stuck with it!_

_When I ask help understanding tax-laws it is complete radio silence, but now you are all here again arguing about fashion. You are all useless._

“Tell me, Empress Palpatine. What is it like having the power of thousand generations of sith-lords inside you?”

“Honestly, it’s a real clownshow.”

Rey found Rose on the beach, where the temporary headquarters of the animal-control people were located. Their mission to catch and relocate the escaped Fathiers to their native planet was well on its way, even if the resistance from Canto Bight clientele had been strong.

“Hey! Rey! You look… tired.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“…no?”

Rey flashed her friend a smile and unclasped the cape, that had already been completely ruined by the wet sand. “How are thing progressing here?”

“Oh, good.” Rose answered, and guided Rey through the tents-settlement. “We are taking another herd for transportation right now.” Of course the work to be done in the other end will go on for years, trying to secure the native population and their environment, but-“

Their chat was interrupted by sounds of shouting, and distressed neighing from a fathier.

“No- Buddy! Don’t take my buddy!”

Rey had luckily abandoned her shoes the moment she had stepped outside and could sprint on the sand easily. What she saw was a small humanoid boy, struggling against the gentle but firm grip of the environmentalist workers. The fathier looked at the little human with its big eyes, getting more anxious by the minute.

Then the little boy stretched his hand and the lead of the fathier flew straight into his hand. Rey could feel the raging depths of emotions churning all over the little boy. Fear, anger, loss. The dark side of the force danced on his fingertips.

_Oh well, now isn’t this interesting?_

Once the boy had been calmed down, once the environmentalists had explained their mission to him, once Rey had been made aware of the little children living in the stalls, dirty, desperate, and protective of their big charges, once she battled with the sea itself in order to burn away some of the dark-power that burned in her, she was left with a group of abused and traumatized little children, three of them force sensitive. 

“Call Dr. Golightly, I need a session, as quick as possible. Also ask the doctor to come up with a list of trustworthy names, I’m going to set up a new government department.” 

_Allright assholes. I know for a fact that more than few of you were some type of emperors, or lords, or other type of political leaders during your time. Now we are all going to work together and work out this budget so it both makes sense and allows me to set up a social-working program that can effectively tackle the problem of the kidnapped children in the Stormtrooper training and the child labour in outer rims._

_And why would we help you? You, who have no intention of bringing back the glory of the sith-empire._

_Because I command you!_

_I ruled the Sith-empire in its glory days, I do not take commands._

_…We’ll go to that one cantina that still serves your favourite Nubian whisky._

_What about My roasted lizards in Dantooine?_

_And my caviar? We still haven’t eaten any!_

_…Fine…We’ll go for a culinary trip across the galaxy._

Her room was quiet, but she could not sleep. Poe and Finn were passed out on the sofa, and the gentle humm of light-speed should have lulled her to sleep, but she had used the dark side during the day in a way that quarantined that her nerves were still too jittery for her to calm down.

A blue glow that appeared behind her was no longer a reason for alarm, as the Skywalker twins paid her visits frequently.

It was neither Luke, nor Leia, this time.

“I know how you feel, it’s not fun when the high starts to wear off.”

“Anakin Skywalker?”

The force-ghost of Anakin Skywalker walked around her quarters, giving a small smile to both Poe and Finn, drooling on each other in their sleep. “You are an extraordinary person Rey.”

“I…don’t think that I am really. I think that this galaxy had many extraordinary people who just needed to a change work without the empire stomping them down.”

“You would be surprised.” He snorted. “And that you live having to listen to that circus of freaks in your head every day and are still sane.” 

“You are there sometimes too. How does that work out?”

“I can travel between. Perks of flip-flopping between the sides. Mostly I just pop by the Sith side to collect all the good gossip.”

“You know, I used to imagine that the jedi-afterlife must be some kind of mystical and dignified affair.”

“Phew, where would be the fun in that. But I actually have a message from someone who is big fan of what you are doing.”

“Oh. Someone from the jedi-afterlife wishes to help me. That would be very much appreciated.”

“Nope. Not from the Jedi-afterlife. She wants you to go to the resistance archives. There should be a collection of Senator Amidala’s drafts and proposals that the New People’s Democratic Galactic Union might find useful.”

Coruscant’s newest cultural phenomenon, the Sith-hymn choir was received better than anyone could have expected. The rich paid good money for the sold-out seats in the opera-halls, and the holonet was on fire with memes. The other cultural phenomenon, the avant-garde, artistic screen-play that had been donated from an anonymous source to the cultural association, had gained mixed reviews. It was either praised as an artistic triumph over the “banality of meaning” or trashed for being “incomprehensible” and “disturbing”.

“Are you- are you guys happy. Is singing sith-hymns really all you want to do with life?”

A dark hood turned towards Rey, and was still for a long, thoughtful minute. Then it nodded, very deliberately.

“Who _are_ those guys even.” She muttered to herself, still baffled, watching the choir-leader lurk away.

“The problem, Dr Golightly, is simply that there are no other force-users that I could delegate into training the force-sensitive children. I don’t think that I should be the sole founder of the new force-users order, but what else is there to do!”

“And have you considered that instead of reinstalling an order that trains children to become force-users, you could simply train children to use force. Does a force-user need to be their main, and most important identity?”

“….No. Because they- we, are just people with a skill in the end.”

“Maybe you should start to examine the problem with force-sensitive children from that angle, instead of trying to repeat the mistakes of the past.”

Watching the reinstated senate dissolve into chaos and insults did not exactly fill Rey with the feeling of triumph that she had hoped for.

“Well- The way I see it-“ Poe looped his hand over her shoulder, “Is that you were placed in the pilot’s chair of an already broken ship. You landed it, trying to avoid unnecessary casualities. I think that’s the best anyone could have done.”

“Still does not fill me with confidence for the future.”

Finn joined Rey and looped his hand over Rey’s other shoulder. “You’re not the Empress anymore, there isn’t anything you can do. You Just have to live in fear and anxiety like the rest of us.”

“I’ll get used to it again.” She smiled, light and happy and free, wrapping her hands around her boys. 


End file.
